Troubles with my Faith

Would it have been better if I had known as a child about the various blunders in Joseph Smith’s translation attempts? Or better for me to read the Book of Mormon without much outside influence and decide how I felt about the book for myself? \

When I read the Book of Mormon without any significant negative viewpoints polluting the experience, it was a faith-building and revelatory experience. I felt that the book was of God, not made up by a delusional 25 year old wanting his piece of fame in the midst of the Second Great Awakening.

When I was 28, I learned that Joseph Smith had translated the Abraham facsimiles incorrectly, translating the names of characters wrong, in one case attributing the incorrect gender to an Egyptian mythological character. The shards of papyrus that survived from the Chicago museum fire were translated by Egyptologists and did not match with any of the story Joseph claimed to have translated from the scrolls. A week ago, my apostate mission companion told me about how Joseph Smith told followers that the Kinderhook plates were a genealogy of a descendant of Ham, but the plates turned out to have been a hoax created by men in the 1800s to trick Joseph. The church had the Kinderhook plates examined by scientists and carbon dated in 1980 and discovered the fraud.

When Joseph Smith translated the first 116 pages of the Book of Mormon and they were stolen, he was told by God not to re-translate them because the thieves were changing his original translation so it would not match and then he would be publicized as a fraud. I feel like if that scheme had worked, it would just be one additional story to add to the evidences that Joseph Smith was not translating the actual words on an ancient text.

I have spoken to several institute directors about my concerns. They reconcile these issues by concluding that God used ancient texts as a mere prop to help Joseph Smith feel more legitimate in his endeavors, but God was telling Joseph Smith a different story that God needed Joseph to write down for the world to have.

I wish God would have made this all much easier. I have to do mental back flips to reconcile all of the issues with Christian and Mormon history. The prophets and apostles during my lifetime seem to have clean records as far as scandals go. But they also aren’t out performing astonishing and miraculous feats like Joseph Smith was. They aren’t off healing the terminally ill and translating Mayan temple carvings, as far as the public knows.

The only miraculous thing that ever happened in Sean’s life is that he fasted and prayed about marrying me, and God came to him in the night and put an obscure Old Testament scripture in his mind, which immediately awoke him and drove him to look it up. It read, “1 The word of the Lord came also unto me, saying, Thou shalt not take thee a wife, neither shalt thou have sons or daughters in this place.” Jeremiah 16:2. The only miracle is too embarrassing to share with anyone because he didn’t even follow it. This is a very uncomfortable revelation to have to live with for the rest of our married lives.

The only miraculous things that happened to me in my life were feelings of clarity and revelation that came to my mind and I concluded that they did not come from my own thoughts or feelings, but were from the Spirit. These moments only confirmed various gospel topics, such as the veracity of the Book of Mormon, the great cause of giving service to others, the holiness of the temple.

I know from the scriptures that those who seek signs from God do not get them. And even if they got them, they still wouldn’t believe. You first have to have move forward in faith and diligence to the commandments. And after the trial of your faith, you receive a confirmation. I don’t know how, but I must find the motivation again to start reading the scriptures and praying regularly, serving others and exercising faith.

Dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no ^dwitness until after the ^etrial of your faith. Ether 12:6.